The Kitchen Table

It sat in the middle of our kitchen. I guess middle is relative when you have a very small kitchen. The glorious round oak table of my childhood was so large that we had it resting against the back wall of the kitchen. There was a chair in the back, against the wood paneled wall, that only a very skinny child could slide into and sit. Sometimes when we didn’t think mom was looking we would push the table against the person in the back and smash our sibling against the wall so they had to wiggle themselves free. This seat was adventurous and I liked to sit there often.

The table and chairs were beautiful, made of a medium grainy oak. The table sat on a wide pedestal with legs that extended out for your feet to kick during dinner. The chairs had intricate designs carved in them that sometimes we had to clean with q-tips. I can still picture my finger tracing the design while mom quizzed me on my spelling words.

Like many families, this table was more than just a piece of furniture. It caught all the mail we threw at it, helped us color smooth lines on our coloring pages, gave us a platform for amazing play dough creations, and provided us a fort to play under. Our table was often counted on as extra counter space for mom’s cooking lessons. It’s where I learned how to make chocolate chip cookies that magically fix a bad day. Often times Dad would come home late from farming and we were sitting at the table finishing supper. He would walk in with a big smile and toss his Pioneer hat on one of our little heads. We loved being the lucky one. Remembering the look on his face, I'd say he was probably thinking he was the lucky one.

Over the years the table has lost its shiny varnish and a few of the chairs have broken. But that big Sam’s Club table has gained beauty in memories from all the knife scratches, marker stains, and worn spots. It was a table that lived with us through bee stings, long division, and our many family conversations. It still sits in my mom’s dining room soaking up our busy lives and catching everything we throw at it.

Home Sweet Home

There is a blissful moment, usually found after returning from a trip away, when "ahhh, home sweet home" sighs into your thoughts. You are exhausted from your long drive, dragging in all your suitcases, shuffling your way around the house to be sure everything is still intact. You groggily brush your teeth and hop into your favorite PJ's. The ones that are too embarrassing to take on any trip, but you proudly flaunt down the halls in your own home, not caring what the fashion critics may say. You head down the hall to your bedroom, check your closet for hiding monsters, and plug in your cell phone to charge.  Then you pull back your covers and snuggle right in to your spot. There's the familiar way you lay on your side with you face burrowed into your cool pillow and even your toes wiggle under the covers with happiness. Knowing that there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed, you take a deep breath of relaxation and "ahhh, home sweet home." 

After our trip this weekend, I was thinking of this enchanted feeling and the other times in my life that I have been grateful to be "home sweet home." I think my favorite would be Christmas morning. Even to this day, the excitement of Christmas gives me little butterflies. I am usually the first one up, ready to give everyone their presents and enjoy family time with stockings, snowballs, and hot cocoa. 

There's a not-so-joyful feeling of when you are sick and you just want to be home. Even better if your mom is there giving you a cool rag for your forehead and a glass of sprite to settle your stomach. I'm not ashamed to say I'm 25 and if I'm sick I call my mom right away so she can tell me to drink water, get some rest, and to make sure Kyle gets me a cool rag. Yes, I know these things, but just a mom's sympathy makes it feel better even from a distance. 

As these things, and other endearing fuzzy moments ran through my head, my heart begin to sink for those who don't know this feeling, who haven't had a mom's healing sympathy, a safe bed, or the excitement of landing a snowball in a sibling's face on Christmas morning. 

It's moments like these that I know God is still giving me a heart for adoption. It's a small reminder that I was made for a purpose, placed in my family for a purpose, and His plans for us are good. We are nowhere near ready or wanting to have children now. But I do know that at the right time, God will place a child in our lives, a child that needs us and we will do our best to give them a "home sweet, sometimes nutty, home" 

Communication is Everything

As the way time seems to go, our first year of marriage flew by. The days slurred into weeks, which slid into months, and all of a sudden it's been a year.

We are finally getting settled in to living together and understanding each other more. Kyle said the other day that he has learned that most of the time that I talk, I'm just talking to hear myself think. So after 2 minutes he tunes out. I was about to get offended, when I realized he was right. Sometimes I just talk. We received this anniversary card from Kyle's grandparents that seemed quite fitting for our scenario.
According to his grandma, this method has worked for them for over 50 years. There is some hope for us.

"Communication is everything"

The Campbells' Anniversary Camping Adventure

Well I'm finally sitting down to recount our camping trip from last weekend. I think I'll just start at the beginning and document the timeline.

We decided to go camping for our 1st anniversary. It was actually my idea to go. We couldn't have asked for a better weekend of weather. It was simply perfect.

Friday
7:15am   Kyle is packed. I have things strewn all over the house and my pack is still empty. I leave my camera on the table for Kyle to go find a replacement battery and head off to work.
10:00pm  I'm still not packed, just can't decide what clothes to wear. Kyle has forgotten to get my battery, stating that the camera worked just fine the other day when he used it. I am busy packing and overlook this detail.

Saturday
9:00am   I am finally packed, we say our goodbyes to Lola, grab some breakfast and head out.
12:00pm  We arrive at Giant City State Park and set up our space pod home.

12:30pm   Head into town for lunch and to get a few last minute supplies. 

3:00pm     We're back at our campsite and  ready to go for a day hike before it gets dark. I get my camera out to take some pictures of our site and of course it doesn't turn on. At this point I yell at Kyle that I was right again and my camera was not working and now I can't take pictures of all the beautiful scenery we were hiking through tomorrow! 

3:05pm    We decide to drive back into town and see if we can find a battery and a car-charger. We spend forever at Best Buy looking for a way to hook a battery charger up to our car and charge the battery. No luck. Kyle suggests that we use disposable cameras. I am positive this will be terrible, but finally agree that a few pictures is better than none. We get the cameras and I try not to cry the whole way to our camp. I am after all, an adult. I convince myself that not having a camera is a selfish thing to worry about so by the time we're back at camp I'm in a much better mood. Besides, with campfire and leaves falling, it's hard to stay mad. 

6:00pm   I practice whittling with my knife to make smores sticks. Kyle makes 3 sticks while I am halfway done with my 1st one. 

7:00pm  Smores. Mmm! 

Sunday

8:00am   We pack up, check our gear, and get ready to leave. Somehow in packing we've lost a bag for part of the tent supplies, we check everywhere but my sleeping bag because I am positive it couldn't be in there. 

9:30am   We head out to start our 9.6  mile hike on the River to River Trail to our campsite. 

9:32am      My pack feels heavy and doesn't fit right. Kyle tightens my straps and I'm ready to go. 

10:00am    From here on out, the time is all a blur. We walked for 6 hours, stopping every so often because of my chest pains, lack of breathing, thinking we might be lost, my feet getting tired, thinking I have to pee but once my pants are down, I can't because I'm in the woods. At one point I threw off my 35 lb back pack (which according to Kyle is only 20 lbs) and nearly vomited. After some water and a rest I was fine.  We kept on walking and walking and walking. 

Kyle's favorite moment: As we were walking up some steep areas there was a tree blocking the trail. We had been going up steep hills and I was near death. Kyle goes up steeper ground to get around the fallen tree. I decided barrel-rolling under the tree will be my path of choice. As I lay down to go under and start to roll my pack "thud!" hits the tree. I shimmy under sideways, exhausted and then on my back like a turtle on it's shell. I manage to get up stating that "yes I'd rather barrel-roll under a tree, then walk another step in the upwards direction." 

3:30pm We finally arrive at our campsite in Panther's Den.  I try to pee again. No luck-someone might see me. I discover that my backpack has rubbed a burn on my entire lower back, I have blisters on both feet and seem to have pulled some muscle in my chest from the way my backpack was pulling on my shoulders.  We set up camp and are so exhausted we collapse in our tent and fall asleep. We finally get up and do some hiking around our campsite and collect firewood for our fire. Finally, I have to pee bad enough that I can. It wasn't so bad after all. 

It was absolutely the most beautiful weekend to be there. As we were surrounded by beautiful rock formations and trees, it was so serene. We just sat there and watched the leaves falling slowly to the ground. I would have some really fantastic pictures of the scenery except that I didn't have my camera. Sigh. 

That night we had our fire going and were entertained by a group of college kids that passed through a few times to their campsite. They brought beer and guitars but didn't seem to have any flashlights. When I climbed in my sleeping bag I got my foot tangled in something, turns out, I accidentally packed the missing tent bag in my sleeping bag after all. Oops. I spent most of the night listening to strange sounds outside the tent and waiting to chase any animals off that got close to my pack which was outside the space pod. 

Monday

8:00am We had breakfast and headed out to get more water from a lake nearby. Kyle has a fancy filtration system that makes water safe for drinking. I didn't think I wanted to drink lake water, but it came out clear so I decided it was okay.

We filled up our bottles and headed back to camp. We packed everything up and after careful consideration, we decided that we wouldn't have enough time to hike the 9.6 miles back in time for me to get home and ready for work the next day. So we bandaged up my blisters, and hiked 3 miles back to the nearest trail head. That's when we called Kyle's sister for backup. She was headed to St. Louis to go shopping, but her boyfriend was nearby taking his dog out for a hike, so she sent him to come pick us up.

My favorite moment:  Connor and his doggie came to our rescue! 

Things we learned from our hiking trip:

-Kyle learned that hiking with a girl is different than hiking with his guy friends. I will not keep my pain to myself just so no one thinks I"m a sissy. He says I hike like a girl. Yes. I do. 

- I was right. Kyle thought my pack was 20 lbs I told him it was more than that for sure! It was 22lbs. 

-I should probably start working out. That hike was quite painful.

-Disposable cameras do exist and they actually work. Although most of our pictures were too dark to tell what they were.  

-We should go more often for sure! 

                                                           Happy1st Anniversary! 

Things I"ve learned from our marriage so far...

A lot of people have said that the first year of marriage can be the toughest......

As I read my various friend's daily posts on facebook about how "wonderful and amazing" their husbands are.....posting pictures of flowers they got "Just because" or how they came home to "a 5 course meal, sparkling house, oh they won the lottery today. Love my snookums!" (Okay maybe that's an exaggeration.) But I can't help but to think. "Yeah right! What planet is your husband from?" Of course I'm a pessimistic person by nature so there may actually be men like this out there. I just haven't met them yet.  Also I should state that I love Kyle with everything I am and he is an amazing man who, on most occasions can be quite charming. I"m not writing this to complain, I'm not angry with your posts, and I'm not angry at Kyle. I'm just exploring the topic of marriage from my own (flowerless) perspective. 

My life goes more like this:

I come home at night after working 10 hours, not feeling well because I"ve had an ear infection all week. I change to my pj's and sit down to check my email. Then I hear Kyle say "So, what's for dinner?" It's 8pm and he's been home all day. With that comment, the dirty laundry is staring at me, the dog that has needed a bath for days is in my face, and I start to silently fume. The last thing I feel like doing is argue so I just tell him I'm not hungry. He reminds me that we are on a diet and we need to eat supper to keep up with the plan. I say the famous "Well I don't care what we have" and then escape to the shower for some peace. As I"m getting out, I smell something coming from the kitchen. I eat my noodles in silence and then head to bed. 

Things I"ve learned from marriage:

-Men cannot read your mind, and 99% of the time do not get your hints. You must explain things clearly.

-If you explain things clearly, or leave lists it's perceived as nagging and bossy. 

-Either way there is usually an argument that follows. 

Now it seems like we argue a lot- mainly because we do argue a lot. We argue about food, we argue about who's not listening to the other one, we argue about laundry, we argue about visiting family, we argue about things we forget, we argue about kids we don't have, we argue about house hunting...the list goes on. 

Things I"ve learned from marriage:
-Arguing (disagreeing and passionately stating our sides of things) is okay.

-Fighting (screaming irrelevant, hurtful things at each other) is not okay.

-Praying, listening and putting yourself in the other person's shoes is when a solution usually occurs. 

Oh and

- Men don't actually pee on the toilet, the amazing man-power at which the stream enters the toilet causes it to splash on the side, the lid, the floor, etc. 

-Men can also scrub toilets. 

All of this to say: 

Marriage is tough! I don't know how the rest of the years will go. But I do know I can't wait to find out! All of the dirty laundry and the arguments cannot compare to the laughter, the unending love and joy you get from marrying your best friend. 

My really close friends, and especially my sister know how "creative" my taste in clothes and accessories can be.  

Even as a child I have always had an interesting view on fashion...

Dress up was one of my favorite games. My sister, cousin, and I would wear hats, and mom's old jewelry, and have a ball pretending we were princesses and having tea parties. My mom bought old bridesmaid dresses with huge puff sleeves for us to play dress up in. We walked around the house like we were straight off the runway. 

This is a picture from Halloween in Junior High. Brandi and I found these green knit pants in my great grandma's house after she passed and we were sorting through her things. We wore them for pajamas every night for months. I'm pretty sure my mom finally burned them. 

In high school, I wore all kinds of bright obnoxious accessories, concert tees, and my favorite pink Chuck Taylors, adorned with my own artwork covering the bottom. When most of my friends were wearing American Eagle and Gap I had braces, bad hair, and nerd written all over me.  Kyle's favorite memory of me in high school is when I was skipping down the hall by myself singing "Sadie Hawkins Dance" by Relient K. He said I was weird back then. I can't argue that. 

 My family says, if it's ugly, Jill will like it. It started with my moccasins. Yes, you know which ones. I found my moccasins several years ago at a rummage sale for $2 thinking they were the most awesome shoes I've ever seen. I"ve worn them ever since and somewhere along the line, they caught on and now I see them on feet everywhere. They're still my favorite pair.

Today, I've been prancing around my house in trousers. I mean, pleated, loose, capri trousers. I got them from Old Navy for $6 thinking..."I could make these work."  I can just hear my family saying, "Jill those look ugly." And as I'm walking around Kyle is still giving me the "You are weird look".  I guess some things just never change......

House Hunting in my Dreams

Since we've decided to starting looking for our "Dream Home", I have been literally dreaming of homes.

We looked at a house we really liked that had 16 acres with it. We loved the property, but it was an older house, that we had a few concerns about so we had our dad's come over and look. After a close inspection we weighed the pros/cons and decided with all the "what if's" and updating this house needed, we would have to lower the price quite a bit to make up for it. As we were weighing it over in our minds that night, I fell asleep and woke up remembering this dream:
We had bought a huge blue house (on the same property we had been looking at with the 16 acres) and we were moving our things into the house and trying to dream up a plan to make the rooms work the way we wanted them to. There was a huge basement (which the house didn't have) and all the rooms were changing while we were trying to fit things in, We couldn't get our furniture in and our parents were there trying to help and be encouraging and it just wasn't working with the space we had. 
When I woke up, I looked again at all the pictures of the house and without telling Kyle my dream, we decided we didn't love the house enough to go through the trouble of all the updating it needed. We decided to let the property go, not make an offer, and keep looking. I'm still glad we made that decision.

I just woke up from a nap where I had a rather amusing dream:
I was in the living room of our house a few years down the road. We had a huge St. Bernard dog named Beethoven. He was laying on the couch on his back and I was petting his belly. He got off the couch and looked at me and then looked at his own back. So I hopped on like it was completely normal. We rode around the living room, which had a big fireplace.  Kyle poked his head in the door. He gave me a look like, "Aren't you a little old for that?" I replied to his look by shrugging my shoulders and saying, "What? I still fit."  He laughed at me and went on about his business. 
When I woke up, I told Kyle this and he said it didn't sound like a dream, it sounded like real life. I said then it must be a sign......... So we are adding a fireplace and enough space for Beethoven to our wish list. :)

So many times my friends have said, "What did I do before I had kids? I don't even remember!" Well as you go through this blog, maybe a memory will be sparked and you can get a glimpse of the former you. 

I announced last night that I was going to be sleeping in late on this Saturday morning. 

 I have been annoyed at my alarm clock all week. Hitting the snooze and finally getting up at 7:15 to rush to work. (Those of you with kids are laughing at me, but yes, 7:15 was early to you at some point in your life). I spent my night taking a long bubble bath, then Kyle volunteered to go pick up something for dinner. (Yes, they offered to do things occasionally). He got back with Penn Station and we watched the movie Marley & Me on TV. We spent the whole time looking at Lola that was sleeping and making comments about how cute she was and watching Tiny Ninja, our turtle who escaped his tank earlier this week. We're waiting for him to try again. We stayed up to watch another movie and then headed to bed. I nagged Kyle about whether or not he brushed his teeth because I didn't remember seeing him do it and sometimes he forgets. Since I'm the one that cleans his teeth, I always win that one. But then I vaguely remember him interrupting a love part of Marley & Me with the sound of his loud brushing so I let him off the hook tonight. I settle in to bed thinking about how great my pillow feels on my head and how glad I am it's the weekend. 

I toss and turn all night, which seems to be the running theme lately and then I'm wide awake at 5:00am. I look at the clock and am not surprised. This happens to me a lot when I have the audacity to think I'm going to sleep in. Kyle grunts and rolls over, annoyed that I'm moving. I hear Lola stirring under the bed and then a big sigh. I guess I"m on my own this morning. I decide to take advantage of the quiet and spend a long time in prayer about the house hunt we're starting today. Finally at 7:00 my alarm goes off and startles me. I guess I wouldn't be sleeping in anyway, I forgot to turn off my alarm. By this time I'm wide awake, playing on my iPod and daydreaming of how I could decorate my new house. I look over, Kyle is still dead asleep. At this point, I wonder if my body is telling me I'm ready to have kids. I am 25 and have grey hairs already. I ate 10 rainbow cookies one day this week so I have the cravings part down. I already clean up poop, nag about teeth brushing, and am never caught up on laundry. My body may be ready, but I'm sure not! I shake the thought and go back to fun things, like hosting parties in my new house.

 I am spending the rest of the morning on my porch, drinking coffee and listening to birds, while writing this blog and watching Lola throw her rope toy to herself because I'm too busy to play fetch. Kyle just walked out with his coffee to join me. He says "Hey I thought you were sleeping in this morning."  Sigh. 

This ends the blog portion and goes on to the prayer request portion:

Kyle and I have decided we are possibly ready to start a house hunt. Now, we do everything slow. We were "just friends" for months before we dated. Dated for 4 years before we got married and then waited another 2 months to live together (although not by choice). We budget our money very closely before making big purchases. It took us a year to finally decide on a patio set. So buying a house before Kyle officially gets his job is a strange notion to us. However, we have been crunching numbers, going on the pros/cons and have decided to at least start looking at places that interest us. We aren't looking for your typical starter home. We both grew up in the country and aren't enjoying being cramped in our little yard. Although we love our neighbors, we need some elbow room. We are planning on this being our home for a long time with room to grow our family. (Which yes, will also take us a long time to get to so don't get your hopes up yet). So, with us both being tightwads and overthinkers, I'm not sure how this will go. So I've decided to leave it to God and  just pray that our decision is clear for us. I'm also a big dreamer so every house to me seems to be perfect. Which is another thing I"m praying for-my dreams to not get too big and out of the realm of reality. So, if you guys would, please pray for guidance as we start this journey to finding our home sweet home. And don't worry, you'll all be invited over to a party as soon as we get it.......a painting party that is!

Street Smart Kitten vs. Dog Who Acts Like a Person

Yesterday I tried to force the dog and cat to be friends. They had previously only interacted by stare downs taking place across the room. I told Lola to be nice and to give the kitty kisses. She wasn't really sure at first.

  But since she's good at obeying, she went for it.

  Now they seem to be the best of friends. I think Lola could befriend a Grizzly Bear if we let her.

They have been chasing each other all over the house all night tonight. As I'm typing this, Lola just walked in the room and looked at me. The little kitten trailed right behind her and did the same. Then they both ran off.

 Lola is going to be very sad when I take her playmate to my mom's house where she's going to be staying.  I wish we could get a replacement kitty but my allergies have went haywire since stray kitty arrived. Looks like we'll have to find a different playmate for Lola.


                                                       

Oh.

Things are always more clear once you put them in writing.
Looking back at my last post, I can see very clearly why the bathroom scale has been acting up and why my summer wardrobe seems to have shrunk since last season. I guess I will have to stop blaming the dryer and start blaming the real culprit......nice relatives with their gift cards. Shame on you!

Mood vs. Food

As I reflect on my day, I've found there is a clear correlation between my mood and my food. 

       This morning, as nearly every morning, I have this clear plan in my head to get up and jog. That is why for over a year now my alarm goes off at 5:45am and continues to buzz until 7:00am. Now some mornings, I have that dream. You know which one. The one where you get up, shower, brush your teeth, and have a relaxing morning and leave for work. Then as the door closes you startle to wake up realizing you haven't really done any of those things and you must start all over, only this time you've overslept.

      Today was not that morning. I knew very good and well that I was awake and instead of getting up to jog, I was just lying there. Somehow in the midst of thinking about how I should jog before church , I realize that I've missed my window and I am running late for church. Kyle is supposed to give me an occasional shout out of our countdown to keep me on schedule. However he forgets this but informs me that we need to go now because by the time I "dilly daddle" my way to the door it will be time to leave. As I'm walking out the door, I tell him that I don't "dilly daddle". Shortly followed by "Oh but I forgot to grab my Bible and I think I need to pee." He's waiting in the car while I'm mumbling something about him playing video games and not making me a cup of coffee. By the time we get home from church I'm hungry and tired and in a great mood for an argument. 

      Argument resolved and we decide to head to Illinois to swap my car back with my family and take a hike to Garden of the Gods. We fill up with gas and grab McDonald's on the way out of town. As we order, I clearly state that I want a classic grilled sandwich. As we're heading off, I open the bag and my little cardboard box says crispy not grilled. And what is in the box? None other than a crispy sandwich. A demon rushes into my body and has a full-on 2 year old child tantrum. It sounded something like "CRISPY?!! I SAID GRILLED!!" Then a noise,sounding somewhere between a lion's roar and a train whistle, came out of my small, ladylike mouth. It was accompanied by a full body shudder and my hands raised in fists. I'm not sure exactly what came over me. Kyle said he has never seen anything like it. Maybe it was years of getting lettuce put on my food, when I request otherwise,or maybe it was the lack of food in my system. I"m not sure, but as I'm going on and on about crispy chicken making me sick, and how easy it must be to read a screen and put what the screen says into a bag, Kyle turns around and waits in the car while I walk back into McDonalds. Now, I'm a polite person, so I walk in and calmly ask to get the grilled sandwich I ordered. The manager, very nicely asks her cook to make me another one, apologizes and I say "No problem" and prance happily to the car with my grilled chicken. 

       As the day wears on, we reach a point where we are debating our supper. Sometimes this is an argument in itself.  We decide to go to Outback since we have a giftcard. I am a little nervous. What if something goes wrong and my tantrum goes public? What if they put lettuce on my food? Our waitress is very nice and substitutes green beans for me instead of seasonal veggies, which in most cases is broccoli that I choke down because I paid for it. My steak is cooked to perfection, my green beans are steamed fresh, and my baked potato is delicious. I purposely save half of my steak and green beans and a little corner of my potato so I can take them home and enjoy them for lunch tomorrow. As we're driving home into the sunset, Kyle gives me a huge grin as my hair blows in the wind from our doorless Jeep and I sit clutching my small take home container for dear life. I close my eyes and soak in the happy ending to my day. 

      

The Three Stooges

I went home Mother's Day weekend. It was beautiful weather for a change and Lola had a blast playing with the family.

Lola's favorite part was running in the yard with her buddies. Wally-my sister's dog and Max-our family dog. 

I tried to get them to sit for treats all at the same time, but Wally's only trick is jumping. And I mean JUMPING. So Lola sat, Wally jumped, and Max, who's main trick is to pretend to be a guard dog and chase rabbits, just rolled over to get his belly petted. We'll have to work on synchronizing those tricks later. 

But they did have fun running and dog piling on each other.

The hippie held a gun.

I'm the hippie and this is the story of how I came to hold a gun. 

In my hometown, guns are just as much of a sport as baseball.  Children learn from their dad's how to hunt for deer and turkeys at an early age. Our school is even dismissed on the first day of deer season. I, however, did not grow up around guns. My family never had the interest. The only guns we owned were passed down and used for killing rabid raccoons in the backyard. At least that's my one memory of our gun from my childhood. While my friends were showing off pictures of their first kill, I was on another train of thought.  I have always had a driving love for animals. I understand the need for hunting for animal control and I don't have a problem with hunting. However, it is not something I could do myself. I grew up as the one person in my family that would stop the car to ensure a small turtle crossed his path safely. I cried the first time I hit a bunny rabbit crossing the road. I saved our kittens from rain storms, and spent many hours at the fence where my neighbors horses came to greet us. I even cut barb wire out of the fur of a homely stray goat that came for a visit. 

Then there is my husband.  

Kyle grew up in the same small town as I did. He was on the side of hunting skills that have been passed down from grandpa's and dad's and now even to daughters. He grew up exploring the creeks and fields next to his house and I daresay his compassion towards animals might have involved more of a stoning than a saving act. He was a boy's boy and now a man's man. And what is more manly than the act of hunting?  When we started dating, I quickly found out that he has a love for firearms that I will never understand. He cares for them, cleans them, misses them, and talks about them the same way I talk about shopping for shoes. I do not pretend to like his guns. They are unfamiliar and intimidating to me. I have come to the conclusion it's best if I just let him love his guns and he lets me love my shoes. 

After 4 years of previously declined invitations, I finally agreed to accompany Kyle to the shooting range on Monday. 

After watching Kyle shoot for a while our conversation went something like this: 

Kyle: "Well, would you like to try to shoot today?"

Jill:   "Yes, I think so. But do you promise to warn me if a bird flies by just in case I accidentally might hit it?"
Kyle: "Sure, but I think the birds have been around long enough to know not to fly near the shooting range."

After thorough instructions with a few diagrams drawn, I understood the concept of a gun and was ready to shoot. Kyle said I did really well. I was just glad I hit the big cardboard target and didn't embarrass myself. 

This was from about 20 yards. I was aiming for the top left white square. I didn't think it was too bad for my first time holding a gun.

While I still love my shoes more than guns, I did enjoy myself. I told Kyle I would come back again next time with him. Although, I can say with certainty that you won't catch this hippie hunting any time soon.

Trusting

I should start this blog by saying this is not another witty, silly blog about my boring life. It is more of a soul searching blog while I type and think about the direction my life is headed.

My whole life, those of you who know me well will attest to this, I have loved children. I have had a strong desire to have a big family with lots of backyard ball in the summer and snow angels in the winter. As some of my friends have said "You were born to be a mom." But my mom role has always taken a different meaning in my eyes. I have felt the calling to adopt a child (ren) who otherwise would not know the kind of love every child deserves. I have never had a connection or special feeling towards having my own flesh and blood. Even now as I'm thinking about having a little boy who would grow up to be just like my husband Kyle,it does not strike me as something I must have to fulfill my life. To me, I feel as though there is a place God has placed in my heart that will only be filled by my obedience to God to adopt. I cannot remember the first time I felt this, as far as I can remember it has been my true heart's craving.
Kyle and I have talked about this before and he does feel that urge to have his own flesh and blood. He would like to have our own biological children. I am not sure how or why God would put such a strong calling on me and not on my husband. Kyle has never been opposed to the idea of adoption. He just had never considered it before I brought it up.
This brings me to where we are now. We've been married six months. For us it has been a huge life change because Kyle and I have lived at least 2 hours apart for most of our 4 year dating period. I have come to this point in my life where I want to be just married with no tie-downs. Free to travel anywhere I choose for vacation. Free to get away for long weekends to visit our friends. Free to eat cookies for supper without having to set an example for anyone. I see my friends juggling soccer, dance, work, school and I cringe. We have always wanted to wait a few years before we have kids.  We don't feel pressured to have kids from anyone-that is not the issue. But I feel my desire that was embedded so deeply in me diminishing. I have even considered not having children. That scared me to think that I'm putting aside my life calling for selfish reasons.  Or maybe I'm just finally enjoying where I am in life instead of hanging on to this person I have always pictured myself to be at this stage in my life. I do know that everything is in God's timing.  Someday He will lead me to my child (ren) and will fill that God given place in my heart. I pray he overflows that place.
Trusting in His relentless love.

Jogging Attempt

Yesterday Kyle wanted to go for a jog. I contemplated not going. Then the picture of me in a bathing suit this summer popped in my head. So off we go to jog around town. I am going strong for about 3 minutes and 40 seconds until I get a side pain. Kyle says if you stomp that foot harder as you land it helps. So I'm stomp-running and finally it goes a away. I pushed through it! I envision my college self running the 2 miles I did almost everyday before class. I'm feeling good and thinking, "Oh yeah! I've still got it!"
And since God likes to strike down conceited people I experience another side pain only 10 times worse. I clutch my side and start stomping. Only this time the pain accelerates and doubles me over. So, because I don't want to look like a big weenie in front of my husband, who is practically running circles around me with his hands casually resting inside the pockets his little livestrong running jacket, I keep running....er.... sideways limping in a fast manner. With each step I'm yelling aloud "Oh it hurts!" "It hurts so bad!"  "I'm not going to survive" "This is the end of me" Finally when I think I have hit rock bottom and I feel myself collapsing to the ground,  I see a beautiful pink tree ahead. Since I love to look at pretty trees, I announce that I should walk for awhile once I get to the tree. I made it. At least to the tree. I ended up walking the rest of the way, enjoying the beautiful scenery that I could not stand to run by and miss. A few times I did run up a steep hill, only because I needed the momentum to carry myself up or I would be rolling back down. Finally we reach the corner where the Jeep is parked. Somehow I jump my jell-o legs in and feel the sweet relief of a cushioned seat. All in all, I'm going to call this jog a success. After a long bubble bath and some deep searching within I might adventure to say I'll try it again.

Sharing Bananas

Lola met a new buddy today. I was babysitting for a friend from work. I wasn't sure how they'd do since Lola hasn't been around children very much. But we didn't have any problems.They greeted each other quite happily then hopped on the couch for some Kung Fu Panda time, which seemed to mesmerize both of them.

They followed each other around the house for a while. Lola even helped Amelia eat her bananas when I wasn't looking.  Amelia is still wobbly with her walking and each time she tumbled, Lola came running up to the rescue. 

They played for a while but pretty soon they were tucked in comfy with a teddy bear and a blanket. I think Lola would like a permanent little playmate around here. Maybe it's time to start thinking about that..........

And by "that" I mean a KITTEN!

Dear Laundry

Oh laundry, how much you've grown in the past two months. It seems you're getting along well with the boy clothes that have taken your space in the hamper. Although I"m not sure I'm getting along well with their  hanging needs .Of course I was never that good of hanging with you either. I know you like your freedom of laying every which way, strewn out upon the couch, as do I. But I"m afraid you're going to have to go into the closet soon. People frown upon leaving you in baskets and apparently you don't look as smooth when you leave the house. So here's to another Jason Mraz marathon as we dance our way into order and neatness until I see you again. Don't worry I'm sure it won't be long and we'll do it all over again. 

Relentless

After listening to KLOVE 95.3 for a while and getting a push from a wonderful friend, I've decided to choose my "word" for 2011.
The "word" is a way of doing New Years resolutions without doing New Years resolutions. The idea behind it is that each year we all make resolutions with good intentions. Things we want to try, things we want to do, things we want to be better at. Most of the time, we fizzle out by February. They challenged us to give up resolutions and instead adopt a "word" that would describe what you want to come out of this year. Something you want to strive towards, something you want to define you for 2011. They suggested you think about it, pray about it, and carefully choose your "word". After an uplifting email from a great friend, not mentioning any names, Amy Oglesby, I got very excited to pick my "word." I took a bubble bath, and did some praying. Before I even started the word, relentless, was on my mind. I wasn't sure why, it seemed like a weird word for this. I decided to pray more about it and still..relentless was it. So I googled the definition and came up with this.....
Relentless:
1. unyieldingly severe, strict, harsh   (Yikes! was my first thought)
2. determined, unmoving (okay this is better)
3. showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace
4. steady and persisent


I had sent Amy an email before this saying how yet again, I've slacked on my daily reading and praying. It seems as I think about the past few years my word would be "floater" I"ve lived in a few different places, with different churches, different friends and because of that I"ve just floated along. So many times I"ve started a new bible study, a new prayer time and so many times, it's fizzled out. I believe its time for me to be steady and persisitent, unyielding, and strict. 
Relentless in praise and worship, relentless in making time for God, relentless in my love for others. There is no room for fizzling out, and no room for stopping or giving up. 
This is my word. 
Relentless. 

Becoming an old lady

I have a scrapbooking/sewing room in my house. Although I haven't used it for any purpose besides storage, I did decide to get a project started that I"ve wanted to get going for a long time now. Painting and getting my room all set up....

 Although my room isn't quite put back together, I got out my quilt kit that mom got me for Christmas the year before this one (I know-I'm a slacker) and got to work. After cutting the first piece of fabric wrong because I'm not smart enough to use my ruler mat, the rest went pretty smoothly. I have sewn together the top. Its a mix of 6 different natural colored fabrics in a random design layout. Lola thinks it will be a great quilt for cuddling. She's been jumping on it since I started the project. Pictures of the finished project will follow...

Dominican Republic

After a lot of debating, Kyle and I decided to go all out for our honeymoon, book an expensive spa resort and head to warmer weather. As far as the weather goes, we could not have chosen a better place and time. We stayed at Zoetry Agua (which we would recommend to anyone). We had an awesome time relaxing, reading, getting massages, and playing in the ocean.....

It was also my first time riding in a plane! It was actually pretty fun. Although I don't think I want to do that too often. Once in a while would be okay. It would be better if I didn't have to pee every 5 minutes. Poor aisle guy. 

I've got more vacation time scheduled for June. I don't think we'll be going anywhere tropical, but I hope we have as much fun as this trip.