Smelly Boots and Love

Kyle comes home tomorrow from his last drill weekend (or week-as they so often turn into). This is the last weekend the army will stomp through my weekend plans, make my husband cuss like a sailor (funny phrase considering), laugh at crude jokes, and force me to do man-type things around the house in his absence. Okay so I don't really do the man-type things, I just call my Dad and brother. Same thing.

My part of the National Guard journey started when I wrote letters to Kyle during his first deployment. Of course at that time, I had no idea that God had such an amazing plan for us. We were really just acquaintances, not even friends. My church sent him cards each month. One day as we were talking about encouragement, I had some verses come to mind and I sent them to Kyle thinking maybe I could brighten his day. I assumed he'd read it and add them to the pile of cards and well wishes. He wrote back. After a few letters we started emailing and messaging. We became close friends during those months and as he returned home.

We eventually started dating and that's when I really learned what this "army thing" was all about. He talked in code so I had to google half of the things he said after our conversation. At first it was an adventure, it was "guy in a uniform" alluring. As time went on I found that drill weekends will always be on a weekend you have plans. You will often not have a date to a wedding or family event. PTSD is very real. Army boots, clothes, and equipment are gross, smelly, and everywhere. Not so glamorous.

A few years later, I had moved to Evansville, Kyle was still in Carbondale so we were living 2 hours apart. We talked often about getting married, but Kyle still had school to finish and talk of another deployment was stirring. Sometimes I think of this deployment as the black hole in my life. I got no sleep, I stayed up as much as humanly possible, sometimes sleeping on my couch to be close to the computer, in case I heard from him. Other times I think it wasn't so bad, I drove home and spent most of my time with my family. I had some of the best times with my girlfriends. We were always jetting off on some weekend road trip or meeting for Grey's night every week. I made it anyway. Kyle came home. Then we adjusted. Looking back, I can see how God used that time to grow each of us in our own way.

There were a lot of ups and downs between then and where we are now. God used Kyle's gifts of leadership, protection, and a level head and my gift of encouragement, understanding, and compassion to balance and weave our lives together in so many ways to bring us to where we are.

I"m not sure if I really believed Kyle the first time he mentioned getting out of the army. It was something we always talked about being in our life forever. Initially, I wasn't completely on board with it. We have a family there, Kyle is very good in his position, there's money and insurance. But at the same time, there is a new police career ahead for him, a family to start in a few years, and money is just a side note. I told Kyle it was his decision, although now, I'm glad he chose to leave.

So as we finish up our last weekend I can look back and say I'm so glad to be part of the National Guard. It has been an interesting ride, full of lessons and leaning on God's love. I'm so excited to get to start our next adventure and see what is ahead.

The Kitchen Table

It sat in the middle of our kitchen. I guess middle is relative when you have a very small kitchen. The glorious round oak table of my childhood was so large that we had it resting against the back wall of the kitchen. There was a chair in the back, against the wood paneled wall, that only a very skinny child could slide into and sit. Sometimes when we didn’t think mom was looking we would push the table against the person in the back and smash our sibling against the wall so they had to wiggle themselves free. This seat was adventurous and I liked to sit there often.

The table and chairs were beautiful, made of a medium grainy oak. The table sat on a wide pedestal with legs that extended out for your feet to kick during dinner. The chairs had intricate designs carved in them that sometimes we had to clean with q-tips. I can still picture my finger tracing the design while mom quizzed me on my spelling words.

Like many families, this table was more than just a piece of furniture. It caught all the mail we threw at it, helped us color smooth lines on our coloring pages, gave us a platform for amazing play dough creations, and provided us a fort to play under. Our table was often counted on as extra counter space for mom’s cooking lessons. It’s where I learned how to make chocolate chip cookies that magically fix a bad day. Often times Dad would come home late from farming and we were sitting at the table finishing supper. He would walk in with a big smile and toss his Pioneer hat on one of our little heads. We loved being the lucky one. Remembering the look on his face, I'd say he was probably thinking he was the lucky one.

Over the years the table has lost its shiny varnish and a few of the chairs have broken. But that big Sam’s Club table has gained beauty in memories from all the knife scratches, marker stains, and worn spots. It was a table that lived with us through bee stings, long division, and our many family conversations. It still sits in my mom’s dining room soaking up our busy lives and catching everything we throw at it.

Home Sweet Home

There is a blissful moment, usually found after returning from a trip away, when "ahhh, home sweet home" sighs into your thoughts. You are exhausted from your long drive, dragging in all your suitcases, shuffling your way around the house to be sure everything is still intact. You groggily brush your teeth and hop into your favorite PJ's. The ones that are too embarrassing to take on any trip, but you proudly flaunt down the halls in your own home, not caring what the fashion critics may say. You head down the hall to your bedroom, check your closet for hiding monsters, and plug in your cell phone to charge.  Then you pull back your covers and snuggle right in to your spot. There's the familiar way you lay on your side with you face burrowed into your cool pillow and even your toes wiggle under the covers with happiness. Knowing that there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed, you take a deep breath of relaxation and "ahhh, home sweet home." 

After our trip this weekend, I was thinking of this enchanted feeling and the other times in my life that I have been grateful to be "home sweet home." I think my favorite would be Christmas morning. Even to this day, the excitement of Christmas gives me little butterflies. I am usually the first one up, ready to give everyone their presents and enjoy family time with stockings, snowballs, and hot cocoa. 

There's a not-so-joyful feeling of when you are sick and you just want to be home. Even better if your mom is there giving you a cool rag for your forehead and a glass of sprite to settle your stomach. I'm not ashamed to say I'm 25 and if I'm sick I call my mom right away so she can tell me to drink water, get some rest, and to make sure Kyle gets me a cool rag. Yes, I know these things, but just a mom's sympathy makes it feel better even from a distance. 

As these things, and other endearing fuzzy moments ran through my head, my heart begin to sink for those who don't know this feeling, who haven't had a mom's healing sympathy, a safe bed, or the excitement of landing a snowball in a sibling's face on Christmas morning. 

It's moments like these that I know God is still giving me a heart for adoption. It's a small reminder that I was made for a purpose, placed in my family for a purpose, and His plans for us are good. We are nowhere near ready or wanting to have children now. But I do know that at the right time, God will place a child in our lives, a child that needs us and we will do our best to give them a "home sweet, sometimes nutty, home" 

Communication is Everything

As the way time seems to go, our first year of marriage flew by. The days slurred into weeks, which slid into months, and all of a sudden it's been a year.

We are finally getting settled in to living together and understanding each other more. Kyle said the other day that he has learned that most of the time that I talk, I'm just talking to hear myself think. So after 2 minutes he tunes out. I was about to get offended, when I realized he was right. Sometimes I just talk. We received this anniversary card from Kyle's grandparents that seemed quite fitting for our scenario.
According to his grandma, this method has worked for them for over 50 years. There is some hope for us.

"Communication is everything"

The Campbells' Anniversary Camping Adventure

Well I'm finally sitting down to recount our camping trip from last weekend. I think I'll just start at the beginning and document the timeline.

We decided to go camping for our 1st anniversary. It was actually my idea to go. We couldn't have asked for a better weekend of weather. It was simply perfect.

Friday
7:15am   Kyle is packed. I have things strewn all over the house and my pack is still empty. I leave my camera on the table for Kyle to go find a replacement battery and head off to work.
10:00pm  I'm still not packed, just can't decide what clothes to wear. Kyle has forgotten to get my battery, stating that the camera worked just fine the other day when he used it. I am busy packing and overlook this detail.

Saturday
9:00am   I am finally packed, we say our goodbyes to Lola, grab some breakfast and head out.
12:00pm  We arrive at Giant City State Park and set up our space pod home.

12:30pm   Head into town for lunch and to get a few last minute supplies. 

3:00pm     We're back at our campsite and  ready to go for a day hike before it gets dark. I get my camera out to take some pictures of our site and of course it doesn't turn on. At this point I yell at Kyle that I was right again and my camera was not working and now I can't take pictures of all the beautiful scenery we were hiking through tomorrow! 

3:05pm    We decide to drive back into town and see if we can find a battery and a car-charger. We spend forever at Best Buy looking for a way to hook a battery charger up to our car and charge the battery. No luck. Kyle suggests that we use disposable cameras. I am positive this will be terrible, but finally agree that a few pictures is better than none. We get the cameras and I try not to cry the whole way to our camp. I am after all, an adult. I convince myself that not having a camera is a selfish thing to worry about so by the time we're back at camp I'm in a much better mood. Besides, with campfire and leaves falling, it's hard to stay mad. 

6:00pm   I practice whittling with my knife to make smores sticks. Kyle makes 3 sticks while I am halfway done with my 1st one. 

7:00pm  Smores. Mmm! 

Sunday

8:00am   We pack up, check our gear, and get ready to leave. Somehow in packing we've lost a bag for part of the tent supplies, we check everywhere but my sleeping bag because I am positive it couldn't be in there. 

9:30am   We head out to start our 9.6  mile hike on the River to River Trail to our campsite. 

9:32am      My pack feels heavy and doesn't fit right. Kyle tightens my straps and I'm ready to go. 

10:00am    From here on out, the time is all a blur. We walked for 6 hours, stopping every so often because of my chest pains, lack of breathing, thinking we might be lost, my feet getting tired, thinking I have to pee but once my pants are down, I can't because I'm in the woods. At one point I threw off my 35 lb back pack (which according to Kyle is only 20 lbs) and nearly vomited. After some water and a rest I was fine.  We kept on walking and walking and walking. 

Kyle's favorite moment: As we were walking up some steep areas there was a tree blocking the trail. We had been going up steep hills and I was near death. Kyle goes up steeper ground to get around the fallen tree. I decided barrel-rolling under the tree will be my path of choice. As I lay down to go under and start to roll my pack "thud!" hits the tree. I shimmy under sideways, exhausted and then on my back like a turtle on it's shell. I manage to get up stating that "yes I'd rather barrel-roll under a tree, then walk another step in the upwards direction." 

3:30pm We finally arrive at our campsite in Panther's Den.  I try to pee again. No luck-someone might see me. I discover that my backpack has rubbed a burn on my entire lower back, I have blisters on both feet and seem to have pulled some muscle in my chest from the way my backpack was pulling on my shoulders.  We set up camp and are so exhausted we collapse in our tent and fall asleep. We finally get up and do some hiking around our campsite and collect firewood for our fire. Finally, I have to pee bad enough that I can. It wasn't so bad after all. 

It was absolutely the most beautiful weekend to be there. As we were surrounded by beautiful rock formations and trees, it was so serene. We just sat there and watched the leaves falling slowly to the ground. I would have some really fantastic pictures of the scenery except that I didn't have my camera. Sigh. 

That night we had our fire going and were entertained by a group of college kids that passed through a few times to their campsite. They brought beer and guitars but didn't seem to have any flashlights. When I climbed in my sleeping bag I got my foot tangled in something, turns out, I accidentally packed the missing tent bag in my sleeping bag after all. Oops. I spent most of the night listening to strange sounds outside the tent and waiting to chase any animals off that got close to my pack which was outside the space pod. 

Monday

8:00am We had breakfast and headed out to get more water from a lake nearby. Kyle has a fancy filtration system that makes water safe for drinking. I didn't think I wanted to drink lake water, but it came out clear so I decided it was okay.

We filled up our bottles and headed back to camp. We packed everything up and after careful consideration, we decided that we wouldn't have enough time to hike the 9.6 miles back in time for me to get home and ready for work the next day. So we bandaged up my blisters, and hiked 3 miles back to the nearest trail head. That's when we called Kyle's sister for backup. She was headed to St. Louis to go shopping, but her boyfriend was nearby taking his dog out for a hike, so she sent him to come pick us up.

My favorite moment:  Connor and his doggie came to our rescue! 

Things we learned from our hiking trip:

-Kyle learned that hiking with a girl is different than hiking with his guy friends. I will not keep my pain to myself just so no one thinks I"m a sissy. He says I hike like a girl. Yes. I do. 

- I was right. Kyle thought my pack was 20 lbs I told him it was more than that for sure! It was 22lbs. 

-I should probably start working out. That hike was quite painful.

-Disposable cameras do exist and they actually work. Although most of our pictures were too dark to tell what they were.  

-We should go more often for sure! 

                                                           Happy1st Anniversary! 

Things I"ve learned from our marriage so far...

A lot of people have said that the first year of marriage can be the toughest......

As I read my various friend's daily posts on facebook about how "wonderful and amazing" their husbands are.....posting pictures of flowers they got "Just because" or how they came home to "a 5 course meal, sparkling house, oh they won the lottery today. Love my snookums!" (Okay maybe that's an exaggeration.) But I can't help but to think. "Yeah right! What planet is your husband from?" Of course I'm a pessimistic person by nature so there may actually be men like this out there. I just haven't met them yet.  Also I should state that I love Kyle with everything I am and he is an amazing man who, on most occasions can be quite charming. I"m not writing this to complain, I'm not angry with your posts, and I'm not angry at Kyle. I'm just exploring the topic of marriage from my own (flowerless) perspective. 

My life goes more like this:

I come home at night after working 10 hours, not feeling well because I"ve had an ear infection all week. I change to my pj's and sit down to check my email. Then I hear Kyle say "So, what's for dinner?" It's 8pm and he's been home all day. With that comment, the dirty laundry is staring at me, the dog that has needed a bath for days is in my face, and I start to silently fume. The last thing I feel like doing is argue so I just tell him I'm not hungry. He reminds me that we are on a diet and we need to eat supper to keep up with the plan. I say the famous "Well I don't care what we have" and then escape to the shower for some peace. As I"m getting out, I smell something coming from the kitchen. I eat my noodles in silence and then head to bed. 

Things I"ve learned from marriage:

-Men cannot read your mind, and 99% of the time do not get your hints. You must explain things clearly.

-If you explain things clearly, or leave lists it's perceived as nagging and bossy. 

-Either way there is usually an argument that follows. 

Now it seems like we argue a lot- mainly because we do argue a lot. We argue about food, we argue about who's not listening to the other one, we argue about laundry, we argue about visiting family, we argue about things we forget, we argue about kids we don't have, we argue about house hunting...the list goes on. 

Things I"ve learned from marriage:
-Arguing (disagreeing and passionately stating our sides of things) is okay.

-Fighting (screaming irrelevant, hurtful things at each other) is not okay.

-Praying, listening and putting yourself in the other person's shoes is when a solution usually occurs. 

Oh and

- Men don't actually pee on the toilet, the amazing man-power at which the stream enters the toilet causes it to splash on the side, the lid, the floor, etc. 

-Men can also scrub toilets. 

All of this to say: 

Marriage is tough! I don't know how the rest of the years will go. But I do know I can't wait to find out! All of the dirty laundry and the arguments cannot compare to the laughter, the unending love and joy you get from marrying your best friend. 

My really close friends, and especially my sister know how "creative" my taste in clothes and accessories can be.  

Even as a child I have always had an interesting view on fashion...

Dress up was one of my favorite games. My sister, cousin, and I would wear hats, and mom's old jewelry, and have a ball pretending we were princesses and having tea parties. My mom bought old bridesmaid dresses with huge puff sleeves for us to play dress up in. We walked around the house like we were straight off the runway. 

This is a picture from Halloween in Junior High. Brandi and I found these green knit pants in my great grandma's house after she passed and we were sorting through her things. We wore them for pajamas every night for months. I'm pretty sure my mom finally burned them. 

In high school, I wore all kinds of bright obnoxious accessories, concert tees, and my favorite pink Chuck Taylors, adorned with my own artwork covering the bottom. When most of my friends were wearing American Eagle and Gap I had braces, bad hair, and nerd written all over me.  Kyle's favorite memory of me in high school is when I was skipping down the hall by myself singing "Sadie Hawkins Dance" by Relient K. He said I was weird back then. I can't argue that. 

 My family says, if it's ugly, Jill will like it. It started with my moccasins. Yes, you know which ones. I found my moccasins several years ago at a rummage sale for $2 thinking they were the most awesome shoes I've ever seen. I"ve worn them ever since and somewhere along the line, they caught on and now I see them on feet everywhere. They're still my favorite pair.

Today, I've been prancing around my house in trousers. I mean, pleated, loose, capri trousers. I got them from Old Navy for $6 thinking..."I could make these work."  I can just hear my family saying, "Jill those look ugly." And as I'm walking around Kyle is still giving me the "You are weird look".  I guess some things just never change......