Love and Grace in Marriage

We are doing a great series at church called "Sex and Freedom"  We were snowed in last week and all the Onelifers joined in our living rooms and watched the sermon online.  (Check it out here. Sex & Freedom Part 3)
In the sermon, our campus pastor spoke about a marriage that leaves a legacy. A legacy that your children and grandchildren can look to. In a world where marriage is thrown about haphazardly and a lasting marriage is not the norm, that is a high calling. A calling that each of us who have taken vows in the sight of God have.
One way he said to do this was giving grace and being selfless in your marriage.

Easier said than done. Especially when the sound of him clearing his throat causes you to roll your eyes and he complains weekly about the hair left in the drain. I know there are so many issues, big issues, hard issues that married couples are facing. I'm not a counselor so I am going to be vague and stick with the small, everyday situations. But be assured, there is no issue that God cannot heal and wants to heal if you let Him.

 I think marriage is a daily commitment. To have a legacy leaving marriage, it's a commitment to show love and grace each day. My friend and I decided we wanted to be more selfless and show more grace in our marriages. The problem was, we don't really know where to start. I decided to brainstorm some simple, practical ways we can do this.
Here goes:

First, I think attitude can go a long way here. Before you are able to act out love, and show love in a selfless way, you need to refocus your attitude away from yourself and to your partner.
Remember when you were dating and you thought about them constantly? I know it's hard, but think back. You hung on their every word and talked for hours. They sneezed and you thought it was cute. In all that lovey dovey fog, you overlook small things. Things like how they were messy or forgetful. Over time that fog lifts and those things become annoying. We forget to be courteous. We stop listening and things get stale.

 Let your attitude start over and begin anew. 

-Give them a compliment. Strive to be kind to them.
-Physical affection. At my house, before ranting about outside issues, we say "I need a hug." After a hug, it I"m usually more relaxed and able to talk out.
-Surprise them with a small gift or their favorite food.
-LISTEN.  LISTEN. LISTEN.
-Encourage their hobbies and take interest in them.
-PRAY for them. Everyday.
-Give them space and solo time to do hobbies or hang with friends.
-Help them with a chore that they don't love to do.
-Forgive them when they do something that you don't agree with.
-Take care of yourself.
-Patience
-Do a date night and have an actual conversation.
-Turn off your phones and distractions.

1 Corinthians 13 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

These verses are used over and over for weddings. To some, they may sound romantic, but when I think of it- they really say "love is hard work" We are not perfect and it is impossible to be perfect. But God's love is patient and keeps no record of wrongs. We cannot do marriage on our own. We need God to guide us, to love us, and show us how to be selfless. From His example we can strive to love our spouse, seeing them as God sees them.

Feel free to brainstorm your own ideas in the comment section.

My Breastfeeding Essentials

As I was preparing for breastfeeding, I read blogs, books, and talked to friends and co-workers. I read about all the benefits and knew that I wanted to give it my best try.  I also read about latching problems, low supply, infections, and pain. Enough to give me a good case of nerves wondering about how it will go!

In case other soon to be moms are having the same thoughts, I'm adding one more blog  to read and hopefully give some insights and encouragement from my experience so far.

I had one friend in particular who told me about how she loved nursing and the bonding and just made it sound quite magical. (Thank you, Marjie) I had no idea what she meant, but I wanted to experience that. My mom also told me that all the worrying was ridiculous. She told me that my siblings and I all did fine and nursed without problems. Holding on to their words, I plunged in and went for it.

Breastfeeding is hard work! I found that out right away. I have heard many times that the first two weeks are the hardest. I had the goal going in that I would not quit until at least two weeks. They were right,the time it requires and the energy it takes is exhausting for the first few weeks and it did hurt. A lot. But it gets better!

*I got through the first two weeks. Then I made it to his 1 month appointment, now my goal is to pump at work a few weeks and see how that goes. It has helped me to take it a few weeks at a time. If I have a rough day, I try again the next. Giving myself the "option" to stop if I need to keeps the long term pressure off and helps me focus on the now.

Essentials that made the process so much easier:

Support: I was clueless going in. I didn't take any classes, and I needed help.  My mom, lactation specialists at the hospital, my cousin, my Dr., a friend from church, my coworkers.... They have all given me tips and encouragement. K more than anyone has been a huge help. Bringing me water, making food for us, and giving me an extra hand while Bean was learning to latch on. The little booger always had his hand by his mouth and I couldn't hold him, get a latch, and keep his hand back. So K was in charge of holding Bean's hand. Haha. Sounds small, but it is huge!

Boppy Pillow: I borrowed one from a friend (Thank you,Star) and picked up some extra covers at a consignment store. I use it every night. Bean also likes to sit in it and watch me sing with hand motions. His favorite is the itsy bitsy spider. We put a blanket on it and used it for a prop for our at home newborn photos. Worked like a charm. Our sneaky furbaby likes it also.

Water:  It's crazy how thirsty you get while nursing. I have a few insulated cups with straws that I have got as freebies at work and I use them constantly. I don't particularly like water, so I discovered that ice and those little squeeze flavorings (caffeine free) really help. A cute cup like this zebra one would be a great gift for new moms.

A Good Double Pump: Again I was lucky and borrowed a pump from a friend (Thank you, Lisa) {I see a trend here...get good friends!} I just bought all the parts and pieces and saved a ton of money. Check with insurance because nearly all insurances now let you rent a pump. We are still checking on ours. That will give me two so I can leave one at work and one at home. As I wrote in Bean's birth story, I had to pump at the hospital. Since then I have been able to nurse one side and pump the other. That has allowed me to stockpile quite a bit in our freezer. Good freezer bags made for breastmilk are a must if you are wanting to stockpile. As a working mom, I wanted to get a head start on pumping.

Nursing Pads: Leaking is inevitable and I wear these at night and during the day. I have used Lansinoah Disposable Nursing Pads. They always have coupons for these. I just got some washable cotton ones to try also. I think the brand and type are personal preference so try a few and see what you like.

Lanolin Nipple Cream: This has been a must for me. I used it religiously after every feeding and it has kept the soreness at a minimum. It is safe for baby so you don't need to wipe it off before nursing. I tried coconut oil also which I read was good. It burned for me, so I went back to my Lanolin. Be sure to check for coupons.

Nursing App: There are ton of great feeding apps. It is awesome for helping me remember which side I nursed last and how long. I am usually surfing Pinterest or catching up on reading blogs while I nurse anyway, so it makes it very easy to track feedings. Some apps have options for bottle feedings, pumping, diaper changes, sleeping habits, etc. I prefer just the basics, but there are tons of neat extras out there.

Nursing Cover: I splurged on a cute nursing cover for myself. I use it when we have company and if I go in public. I have not used it in public a lot yet. It's still a little tricky maneuvering baby, your shirt, a cover, and burp cloth. I"m doing better though. If you want to nurse in public, practice at home with your cover first. Juggling all that in a restaurant with a crying baby is a little nerve wrecking at first.

*Extras:
I had read about not giving bottles and pacifiers until week 4. We had to do bottles at the hospital because of my postpartum problems. After we got home, I nursed exclusively until week 4 and had no problems with nursing or him taking a bottle at week 4.  We also did a pacifier and I had no problems. I would say use caution, but don't stress too much about it. If it works for you, go for it.

At night, I get all of my supplies for pumping and nursing ready and right by our bed. I do not want to stumble around the house at night trying to look for my boppy pillow or a burp cloth. Have things ready and your night time feedings will be calm and you'll soon love the groggy snuggle time.

I am not sure how things will go when I'm going back to work, pumping, getting bottles ready for daycare, and getting into a whole new routine. But I will take it week by week. Starting over after bad days and nursing as long as things feel right for us!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I wanted to share some baby products that I've discovered to be very helpful in our 1st month and a half. I had no idea what register for or what I would need.  I'm sure every family has different opinions and helpful hints on products and what works best for them. This is simply what we've found useful the first few weeks.

1. aden & anais swaddle blankets. I heard great things about these blankets and I found it all to be true. I love the thin, stretchy, soft material. I use them for basically everything. I found an online tutorial for how to make your own. I can't wait to try it out.

2. Graco Pack & Play

I love the snuggly bassinet and the changing table. The extra storage at the end is helpful, although I think it could have been designed a little better with the pockets. At night, I set out all of our diapers, wipes, burp clothes, pumping supplies etc. I make sure everything is at hand and our nights go on with little disruption during changes & feelings.
Pack & Play with Napper

3. Disposable covers

I bought these paper covers to put on our changing tables and other surfaces. They are perfect for keeping leaks and spit up easy to clean. Saves on laundry. I use the same one until we have a big splat or it leaks through. They are about $15 for 100 on Amazon
Disposable Underpad

4. Batteries. 

Practically every baby item needs batteries. (And different kinds). In the middle of the night when baby is crying you will be digging out any noise, light, swinging, bouncing thing to try and you don't want to make a midnight run for batteries. I would suggest stocking up when you find a sale before the baby comes.  I'm assuming it will stay this way so I'm adding that to my coupon list. 

5. Bouncer and swing. 

We love our bouncer. Fisher-Price My Little Snugabunny  He has napped in it from week one. Our friend loaned us A swing and sometimes it's the only thing that will keep Bean sleeping . Although our dog, Archer, was terrified of it for the first few days. 

6. Burp cloths. 

Tons of them. Bean spits up a lot. White cloth diapers are perfect and even better after several washes. 

7. Car seat cover.

 This is so soft and warm. It's been freezing here and I can take Bean out and he is snug as a bug warm wherever we go. This is a must for winter babies. 
JJ Cole Original Bundle Me

8. Playmat 

I love the look of this playmat. It is so cheerful and Bean is mesmerized by the musical mobile, mirror, and toys. It's almost as mesmerizing as Daddy.  It also folds down for easy storage but we just leave it up all the time. 

Infantino Go Gaga Deluxe

9. Bedtime prayers book

I read this book to Bean and it has nice rhymes and rhythms as he listens to my voice. It is set up as devotions so it will be great for when he is older and is learning to pray. He received this book from his Great Great Grandma. 

Really Woolly Bedtime Prayers

10. Gowns and zipper pj's

Perfect for night time changes.  So much easier than snaps. I keep a lookout for these when the consignment stores have sales. 

See my post on breastfeeding essentials here 

One Month

Bean is one month! I can't believe it.  [Okay so I'm late posting this and he is 6 weeks now. (ahh!)]
We were a little busy with Lola's eye energy and visiting family so I failed to take a staged 1 month photo. I had planned one with a chalkboard of stats but you know....give it up with good intentions. Maybe next month.

One Month:

Bean is

-9 pounds 2 ounces.

-starting to follow our faces and voices. 

-more alert everyday.

- calm when mommy sings and reads to him.  

- always up for a walk around the house exploring with Daddy. He especially likes looking at the ceiling.

Mommy loves

-snuggles!!!!

-tiny toes and nose. 

-newborn cry and the wrinkly faces. 

-when breastfeeding clicked and fell into a normal routine.

-watching Kyle learn to be Daddy.

A Day in Our Life with Baby Bean

We've been home for 3 weeks now. Beaner is almost 4 weeks old! It's flown by. The first few weeks at home have been very tiring. My BP went from very high at the hospital to very low at home with the medicine I was on. I was lightheaded with headaches and fatigue. Now that I"m off the medicine, I realize how much of a fog I was in when we first got home. Now, I'm just "new mom tired" and I am handling that so much better.
Oh my this guy is cute!!

Okay. So. A Day in Our Life with Baby Bean.

Bean sleeps a lot and through the night (usually) only wakes up to eat about every 3-4 hours. K is great and takes him after the 6am/7am feeding so I can get a few extra hours of sleep or shower before he is hungry again.

Then K heads off to the gym and run errands and Bean and I get some fun play time while he is alert in the mornings. Yesterday we got out the play gym and he seemed to enjoy looking around. It's amazing how much they change, he can see us much better and seems to look at us when we talk.

The rest of the day is feeding, fussing, cuddling, a lot of sleeping, and a LOT of spit up. Normal baby type things. We are just soaking it up and loving on this little guy.  Bean and I will be so sad when K goes back to work next week and I know K is already missing him.

Baby Bean's Birth Story-Family Edition

Our family has been great. I can't even tell you how great my mom and mom-in-law were when I was sick at the hospital after birth. They stayed with us all through the night, got only a few minutes of sleep and helped us make it through our first nights. Bean's birth story isn't complete without sharing the photos of our families who are overjoyed to have this little guy in our lives. I think their enthusiasm is obvious.

Baby Bean's Arrival

He is here! 

Our little bean has made his debut. Actually it took me a long time to get blogging again so he's nearly 4 weeks now. But I'm backtracking and posting his birth story first.....
He was born on a cold Thursday and came without too much of a fuss. My parents and K were there during labor and the rest of the family arrived as I was pushing, just in time to meet our little guy.
He was as perfect as could be! Red, squealing, with a giant cone head that had a little bit of dark hair. Although now it's a normal head with more of a light brown with red tint like momma. :) He was cuddled and kissed and loved all around. I'm so glad that part of our experience was fairly easy and so amazing!

The next few days proved to be a little harder for me.

 Right before I delivered, my blood pressure was up. Actually the last few weeks before we had him, my blood pressure had been sporadically high. My protein tests were normal so I wasn't technically deemed preeclampsia. I chose to be induced 2 days before my due date. I was really wishy washy on that decision and looking back I'm so glad I did. I think it saved Bean and I from further complications and we were at the hospital when I got sick instead of at home. The Dr. said that normally delivery is the treatment for preeclampsia and after I delivered it would most likely go back to normal.
Unfortunately that did not happen. After I delivered, though I felt okay, my blood pressure got worse so they ran tests and monitored my blood pressure every hour. My Dr. put me on a blood pressure pill which helped the numbers, but my bloodwork came back with my liver enzymes a little high and everything else normal. So I was being watched some more and if things didn't improve I had to be put on IV magnesium. If things were better, I could go home.  The next day we were supposed to go home, I felt fine, we packed our bags up, had my parents come take some "going home pictures" for us.

My Dr. came in and said "You are really not going to like me." My liver enzymes had increased, though everything else was normal and I wasn't having enough fluid output. I had postpartum preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome.  In a matter of minutes, I was hooked up to magnesium IV, had more blood drawn and was told to be prepared for the medicine to make me feel like I had been hit by a semi.
They were not joking.

Bean was released, which meant we could not utilize the nursery to give us a break. The nurses were nice enough to give us extra diapers and wipes. I could not get out of bed except to pee and had to have someone drag my IV stand with me when I went because I nearly hit the floor from being so dizzy if I stood up. K was on his own in taking care of Bean.The first night on the IV, my mom (who had just left the hospital) came back over and stayed with us. I was still trying to breastfeed, my milk was coming in, and I could barely hold him because of the medicine making me blurry and weak. So after a long, horrible night, my mom got me the equipment and I pumped so that K could take over feedings. The next day, my numbers were still not improving so they kept me on the IV another 24 hours. This time my mom and K's mom switched and my mother in law came to help drag me to the bathroom and help K with little Bean. It was a long two days. Finally on Tuesday morning, I was able to come off the IV and rest. If things looked okay, I was going home that evening. I was determined to go home by this point!
A few hours off the medicine and I felt much better. We took our second set of "going home pictures" and ran out of there as fast as possible.

Later I googled all about HELLP Syndrome and the postpartum preeclampsia which turns out is pretty rare, especially the HELLP. Most people get that after they've gone home and have blurred vision, or even seizures. The IV medicine was keeping me from seizing and helping my liver enzymes to return to normal. I'm so grateful that my Dr. caught everything early and I was so well taken care of. It was so nice to be back at home and begin our life as a family of three.