I should start this blog by saying this is not another witty, silly blog about my boring life. It is more of a soul searching blog while I type and think about the direction my life is headed.
My whole life, those of you who know me well will attest to this, I have loved children. I have had a strong desire to have a big family with lots of backyard ball in the summer and snow angels in the winter. As some of my friends have said "You were born to be a mom." But my mom role has always taken a different meaning in my eyes. I have felt the calling to adopt a child (ren) who otherwise would not know the kind of love every child deserves. I have never had a connection or special feeling towards having my own flesh and blood. Even now as I'm thinking about having a little boy who would grow up to be just like my husband Kyle,it does not strike me as something I must have to fulfill my life. To me, I feel as though there is a place God has placed in my heart that will only be filled by my obedience to God to adopt. I cannot remember the first time I felt this, as far as I can remember it has been my true heart's craving.
Kyle and I have talked about this before and he does feel that urge to have his own flesh and blood. He would like to have our own biological children. I am not sure how or why God would put such a strong calling on me and not on my husband. Kyle has never been opposed to the idea of adoption. He just had never considered it before I brought it up.
This brings me to where we are now. We've been married six months. For us it has been a huge life change because Kyle and I have lived at least 2 hours apart for most of our 4 year dating period. I have come to this point in my life where I want to be just married with no tie-downs. Free to travel anywhere I choose for vacation. Free to get away for long weekends to visit our friends. Free to eat cookies for supper without having to set an example for anyone. I see my friends juggling soccer, dance, work, school and I cringe. We have always wanted to wait a few years before we have kids. We don't feel pressured to have kids from anyone-that is not the issue. But I feel my desire that was embedded so deeply in me diminishing. I have even considered not having children. That scared me to think that I'm putting aside my life calling for selfish reasons. Or maybe I'm just finally enjoying where I am in life instead of hanging on to this person I have always pictured myself to be at this stage in my life. I do know that everything is in God's timing. Someday He will lead me to my child (ren) and will fill that God given place in my heart. I pray he overflows that place.
Trusting in His relentless love.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Jogging Attempt
Yesterday Kyle wanted to go for a jog. I contemplated not going. Then the picture of me in a bathing suit this summer popped in my head. So off we go to jog around town. I am going strong for about 3 minutes and 40 seconds until I get a side pain. Kyle says if you stomp that foot harder as you land it helps. So I'm stomp-running and finally it goes a away. I pushed through it! I envision my college self running the 2 miles I did almost everyday before class. I'm feeling good and thinking, "Oh yeah! I've still got it!"
And since God likes to strike down conceited people I experience another side pain only 10 times worse. I clutch my side and start stomping. Only this time the pain accelerates and doubles me over. So, because I don't want to look like a big weenie in front of my husband, who is practically running circles around me with his hands casually resting inside the pockets his little livestrong running jacket, I keep running....er.... sideways limping in a fast manner. With each step I'm yelling aloud "Oh it hurts!" "It hurts so bad!" "I'm not going to survive" "This is the end of me" Finally when I think I have hit rock bottom and I feel myself collapsing to the ground, I see a beautiful pink tree ahead. Since I love to look at pretty trees, I announce that I should walk for awhile once I get to the tree. I made it. At least to the tree. I ended up walking the rest of the way, enjoying the beautiful scenery that I could not stand to run by and miss. A few times I did run up a steep hill, only because I needed the momentum to carry myself up or I would be rolling back down. Finally we reach the corner where the Jeep is parked. Somehow I jump my jell-o legs in and feel the sweet relief of a cushioned seat. All in all, I'm going to call this jog a success. After a long bubble bath and some deep searching within I might adventure to say I'll try it again.
And since God likes to strike down conceited people I experience another side pain only 10 times worse. I clutch my side and start stomping. Only this time the pain accelerates and doubles me over. So, because I don't want to look like a big weenie in front of my husband, who is practically running circles around me with his hands casually resting inside the pockets his little livestrong running jacket, I keep running....er.... sideways limping in a fast manner. With each step I'm yelling aloud "Oh it hurts!" "It hurts so bad!" "I'm not going to survive" "This is the end of me" Finally when I think I have hit rock bottom and I feel myself collapsing to the ground, I see a beautiful pink tree ahead. Since I love to look at pretty trees, I announce that I should walk for awhile once I get to the tree. I made it. At least to the tree. I ended up walking the rest of the way, enjoying the beautiful scenery that I could not stand to run by and miss. A few times I did run up a steep hill, only because I needed the momentum to carry myself up or I would be rolling back down. Finally we reach the corner where the Jeep is parked. Somehow I jump my jell-o legs in and feel the sweet relief of a cushioned seat. All in all, I'm going to call this jog a success. After a long bubble bath and some deep searching within I might adventure to say I'll try it again.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sharing Bananas
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| Lola met a new buddy today. I was babysitting for a friend from work. I wasn't sure how they'd do since Lola hasn't been around children very much. But we didn't have any problems.They greeted each other quite happily then hopped on the couch for some Kung Fu Panda time, which seemed to mesmerize both of them. |
 They followed each other around the house for a while. Lola even helped Amelia eat her bananas when I wasn't looking. Amelia is still wobbly with her walking and each time she tumbled, Lola came running up to the rescue. |
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They played for a while but pretty soon they were tucked in comfy with a teddy bear and a blanket. I think Lola would like a permanent little playmate around here. Maybe it's time to start thinking about that..........
And by "that" I mean a KITTEN!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Dear Laundry
Oh laundry, how much you've grown in the past two months. It seems you're getting along well with the boy clothes that have taken your space in the hamper. Although I"m not sure I'm getting along well with their hanging needs .Of course I was never that good of hanging with you either. I know you like your freedom of laying every which way, strewn out upon the couch, as do I. But I"m afraid you're going to have to go into the closet soon. People frown upon leaving you in baskets and apparently you don't look as smooth when you leave the house. So here's to another Jason Mraz marathon as we dance our way into order and neatness until I see you again. Don't worry I'm sure it won't be long and we'll do it all over again.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Relentless
After listening to KLOVE 95.3 for a while and getting a push from a wonderful friend, I've decided to choose my "word" for 2011.
The "word" is a way of doing New Years resolutions without doing New Years resolutions. The idea behind it is that each year we all make resolutions with good intentions. Things we want to try, things we want to do, things we want to be better at. Most of the time, we fizzle out by February. They challenged us to give up resolutions and instead adopt a "word" that would describe what you want to come out of this year. Something you want to strive towards, something you want to define you for 2011. They suggested you think about it, pray about it, and carefully choose your "word". After an uplifting email from a great friend, not mentioning any names, Amy Oglesby, I got very excited to pick my "word." I took a bubble bath, and did some praying. Before I even started the word, relentless, was on my mind. I wasn't sure why, it seemed like a weird word for this. I decided to pray more about it and still..relentless was it. So I googled the definition and came up with this.....
Relentless:
1. unyieldingly severe, strict, harsh (Yikes! was my first thought)
2. determined, unmoving (okay this is better)
3. showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace
4. steady and persisent
I had sent Amy an email before this saying how yet again, I've slacked on my daily reading and praying. It seems as I think about the past few years my word would be "floater" I"ve lived in a few different places, with different churches, different friends and because of that I"ve just floated along. So many times I"ve started a new bible study, a new prayer time and so many times, it's fizzled out. I believe its time for me to be steady and persisitent, unyielding, and strict.
Relentless in praise and worship, relentless in making time for God, relentless in my love for others. There is no room for fizzling out, and no room for stopping or giving up.
This is my word.
Relentless.
The "word" is a way of doing New Years resolutions without doing New Years resolutions. The idea behind it is that each year we all make resolutions with good intentions. Things we want to try, things we want to do, things we want to be better at. Most of the time, we fizzle out by February. They challenged us to give up resolutions and instead adopt a "word" that would describe what you want to come out of this year. Something you want to strive towards, something you want to define you for 2011. They suggested you think about it, pray about it, and carefully choose your "word". After an uplifting email from a great friend, not mentioning any names, Amy Oglesby, I got very excited to pick my "word." I took a bubble bath, and did some praying. Before I even started the word, relentless, was on my mind. I wasn't sure why, it seemed like a weird word for this. I decided to pray more about it and still..relentless was it. So I googled the definition and came up with this.....
Relentless:
1. unyieldingly severe, strict, harsh (Yikes! was my first thought)
2. determined, unmoving (okay this is better)
3. showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace
4. steady and persisent
I had sent Amy an email before this saying how yet again, I've slacked on my daily reading and praying. It seems as I think about the past few years my word would be "floater" I"ve lived in a few different places, with different churches, different friends and because of that I"ve just floated along. So many times I"ve started a new bible study, a new prayer time and so many times, it's fizzled out. I believe its time for me to be steady and persisitent, unyielding, and strict.
Relentless in praise and worship, relentless in making time for God, relentless in my love for others. There is no room for fizzling out, and no room for stopping or giving up.
This is my word.
Relentless.
Becoming an old lady
I have a scrapbooking/sewing room in my house. Although I haven't used it for any purpose besides storage, I did decide to get a project started that I"ve wanted to get going for a long time now. Painting and getting my room all set up....
Dominican Republic
After a lot of debating, Kyle and I decided to go all out for our honeymoon, book an expensive spa resort and head to warmer weather. As far as the weather goes, we could not have chosen a better place and time. We stayed at Zoetry Agua (which we would recommend to anyone). We had an awesome time relaxing, reading, getting massages, and playing in the ocean.....
It was also my first time riding in a plane! It was actually pretty fun. Although I don't think I want to do that too often. Once in a while would be okay. It would be better if I didn't have to pee every 5 minutes. Poor aisle guy.
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